September 1 sucks the big one (so cut me some slack and ignore my horrendous Latin).
First, I managed to get a giant glob of shampoo in my eye in the shower this morning, temporarily blinding myself for about 5 minutes. Them, work was horrid – busy and frustrating – and as has been the case for the past month and a bit, I worked a 10-hour day. All that was keeping me the slightest bit upbeat was the thought of heading home and crashing/vegging.
The only thing standing in my way? One idiot woman.
Get comfy…this is good:
So I made my way home only to find someone had parked in front of my driveway, completely blocking it, and there were NO spots on my street for me to pull into. So I had to park a block away and walk back over (not a huge deal but annoying when I have a driveway right by my front door).
Came inside and immediately wrote an angry note to put on the misplaced car then I was planning to phone the Parking Auth. to have it towed. That may seem harsh BUT it’s clearly a driveway, it’s against by-laws to block it AND given my rough last month and a half, my patience for idiocy is at a low ebb.
As I went out, I saw one of my neighbours talking to a random woman on the street (they didn’t know each other, just exchanging pleasantries) when he saw me…he was like “some idiot blocked your driveway, didn’t they?” My face must’ve lit up…someone to rant to. Huzzah! So we spent 2 or 3 minutes talking about it and rolling our eyes.
The random woman is still there, listening to us, btw.
As we’re talking, I walk over to put the note on the car. As I’m going for the wiper blade, SHE speaks up: “Oh…that’s my car.”
To quote John Oliver, “Well, well, well…looks like we caught us a DOUCHEBAG!” So I pointed to my blatantly RIGHT GODDAMN THERE driveway and said “Yes, well as I was saying…I can’t park in my driveway because you’re blocking it.” I illustrated my point by indicating all items involved in said problem, in case it wasn’t clear. Given she blocked it in the first place, I couldn’t be sure she would get it.
Her response? Wait for it…it’s legendary… “Well…what do I do?”
Wait…what? WHAT? Why don’t you HAZARD A GUESS? I want you to MOVE YOUR CAR. Just a thought.
I finally pointed out that there was room behind her car, she COULD just back-the-hell-up if actually finding another paring spot was too weirdly intimidating for her.
I left her to ponder this as I went to get my car and drive it back. When I got there, she was still trying to back up. 2 minutes later, she had finally moved.
She got out of her car as I was walking to my front door and said she was worried about the car behind her. She thought she should move forward (so she’d be blocking me IN this time…delightful…and also, is she kidding?) because the car behind her wouldn’t be able to get out. I pointed out that the person had tons of room at the back of their car too and if they couldn’t manage to get out of a parallell parking spot, they needed to move to another city (along with her…though I kept that last part to myself).
Then I walked in and shut my door before I throttled her.
This day is, to quote El Tigre Chang, THE WORST.
PollyPrissyPants is a pop culture junkie and new media producer, journalist, and blogger from Toronto.
