Happy Canada Day!

1 07 2008

I’m in just under the wire but as I sit here (alone at work…le sigh) watching Blue Rodeo (one of my favourite bands…if you haven’t ever seen them live, go now) sing Lost Together on Parliament Hill in Ottawa and am feeling quite happily and contently patriotic.

Canada

So appreciate what we are and who we are. We’re a lucky bunch to live in such a fantastic country! We complain (bitterly, a good deal of the time) about all the bureaucracy, the gas prices, the violence, the drivers, the EVERYTHING…but every day (and not just this day) we need to remember how much better we have it than most of the world.

This is Canada, I am Canadian (no Molson reference intended)…and I’m proud and lucky to be.

ETA: Holy crap… the Parliament Hill fireworks amazing. 20 minutes and still going strong. Suck it, 4th of July!


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Pet Peeve of the Day – June 3

3 06 2008

Today’s topic: Cellphone douchebaggery.

So I was at The Friar & the Firkin having dinner with the lovely Kitten Monkey and decided to make a pit stop before heading out to go home. The bathrooms at the Firkin are nothing to write home about but they’re clean, have automatic towel dispensers (I love those!) and one of the bathrooms even has it’s own sink and towels. They’re pretty tiny…so there’s no room to line up if both stalls are occupied. It’s also a pub…so the bathrooms are not “club bathrooms”..i.e. it’s a not a place to socialize. Why do girls do that anyway? Girly trips to the bathroom and epic makeup sessions while gossiping? I’ve never really understood that…but I digress.

Anyhoo, so I went into the bathroom right behind this other girl…so she took the only unoccupied stall. So I stand there, as you do, trying hard not to hum stupidly to myself…and then…and THEN! Then I realized the girl who was already in the stall when we walked in was not using the bathroom at all…she was just holding an entire conversation on her cellphone! She was loud and clearly talking about nothing life threatening or emotional. Example: “Yeah, well I thought I’d call to talk about what we should talk about when we go…that’d be cool. Hey, do I have his number? Can you give it to me?” So, thinking she maybe didn’t hear us come in (which…false…that door is squeaktastically loud), I did one of those intentional throat clears. She didn’t even hesitate as she carried on her uselessly boring chat. So the girl who came in before me comes out of the other stall, looks at me and mouths “Can you believe her???” (gesturing wildly to the stall occpied by Idiot Cell Phone Girl) and I responded with a (to quote a certain someone) “No idea!” And so we started quietly bitching about the girl in the stall (as women are wont to do) when another girl comes barreling through the door. At that moment, Cell Phone Idiot Girl comes out of her stall (looking annoyed at all of us for interrupting her conversation) and bumps into all of us as she stalks out of the bathroom. Then new girl rushes past me as she takes out her cell phone, shuts the stall door and starts talking on HER cell phone. Are you freakin’ kidding me? It’s a fucking BATHROOM – what are you DOING? Stop it! Just STOP! So I gave up and left the bathroom because there is nothing more off-putting while peeing than idiot females on cellphones having vapid “OMG” conversations. Seriously.

Possible Solutions: If they really feel the need to talk on a phone in a private stall, might I suggest they go “old school” and investigate the use of a PHONE BOOTH. In fact there is one at the front of the pub…why not give that a whirl? I’ve heard tell they’re not just for changing identities and clothing!

Next time, at Kitten Monkey‘s suggestion, I intend to bring a “You are a douche!” card with me and slip it through the slats in the stall door. Because…well…they are… a cellphone DOUCHE.

And as an experiment – an audio version of my semi-regular pet peeve rant:


Pet Peeve Podcast – June 3


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Pet Peeve of the Day – April 14

14 04 2008

Today’s topic: The Internets and its occasional (and specific) incompetencies…

It’s been sometime since I posted one of these…which is not to say that I have been keeping a level head because clearly that would be the very last sign of an imminent and highly messy apocalypse. But perhaps it’s fair to say nothing has cheesed me off quite enough to take time out of my day to describe it in detail for you. Unfortunately, that “meh” streak has come to an end in the form of a fiery ball of anger directed at The Internets.

Let me take you back, gentle reader, to last Friday morning at 10 am when I tried to buy Toronto FC tickets in the pre-sale (available for those who subscribe to their team newsletter, which I do). My computer choose that opportune moment to crap out and freeze so that by the time I got everything working again, the block of pre-sale tix had, predictably given the speed of the season tickets sales, sold out. Annoying? Yes…but I was still hopeful as the public sale was happening this very morning, giving me a good chance to get at least 1 ticket for a game of my choice.

So at 9:50 am this morning, I sat my ass into my Laptop Couch Groove/Rut and loaded up the Ticketmaster page in preperation for the 10 am sale time. The time arrived, I refreshed…still nothing. I refreshed again…still nothing. I opened Safari and IE and tried them…still said the tickets were not on sale yet. I refreshed and re-opened like crazy until 10:15 am…by which time I was severely late for work and had yet to see any indication of tickets going on sale.

So I gave up…thinking the TFC site had the date and/or time wrong.

I started to sprint (in 4 inch heels) to the streetcar stop…but made it not 20 ft out of my door when I twisted my ankle. Yeah…should’ve seen that one coming but I really didn’t. So I took off my shoes, went back to my garage and decided to drive to work to ease the pain.

I got to work by 10:30 and the little and persistent voice in my head (I call him Idiot Jed, Glutton for Punishment) told me to check Ticketmaster one last time. And guess what? The tickets had gone on sale and sold out…

Fabulous.

So Ticketmaster.ca – the site whose only job is to sell tickets online – was more than 15 minutes late in putting tickets up for sale and had them on sale for a total of 2 seconds before they sold out. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How hard can it be? (That’s what she said.) They just have to schedule the thing to go live…next year I will come to their office and do it for them.

So to Ticketmaster.ca – SUCK IT!


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Why don’t we just walk around in protective bubble gear?

10 03 2008

Padded Lampposts Tested in London to Prevent Cell Phone Texting Injuries!

Cell Padding

Seriously…Fox News reports (so take it for what it’s worth) that a street in London (a city known for it’s mobile-obsessed population) is experimenting by adding padding to lampposts to cut down on the number of texting injuries pedestrians face on a daily basis. Now you may think that this couldn’t possibly happen often enough to warrent these safety measures – but according to a recent study, 68 000 cell phone users sustained some kind of injury by crashing into something while texting. The survey also found that almost two thirds of mobile users admitted to losing their peripheral vision while texting, and more than a quarter wanted lines on the pavement to create routes for texters to walk while using their phones! I KNOW! Might I suggest putting down the mobile and possibly investing in some personal protective headgear instead because it’s clear these people need special care.

The lampposts in Brick Lane (a street in London’s East End near Aldgate East Tube station) will be covered and, if successful, the padding will be rolled out in other urban texting hubs like Birmingham, Manchester and Liverpool.

And if that weren’t enough, it seems as if the company responsible for the padding will be advertising on the protective posts. So when you’ve landed on your ass in a puddle (and are wondering how the hell you got there), you can spend the time watching the birdies circle your cranium AND marvel at the fantastic weekend texting rates from the cell phone company who just bounced you on your ass in the first place!

Fantastic.


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Quote of the Day – Jan 17

17 01 2008

Slightly paraphrasing…but the gist is there. Topic? Horoscopes and the Zodiac:

Anon. friend: Cancers are awesome. We have a shell but once you crack that, you love us! We’re like Kinder Surprises!

Me: So the outside is the best part and once you get to know you…you’re like cheap, disappointing, piece-of-crap toys?


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Pet Peeve of the Day – Jan. 9

10 01 2008

Today’s topic: People who are old enough to know better.

Case in point – our kitchen at work. Someone kindly went out and stocked the kitchen full of lovely dishes, cutlery and other supplies…so naturally people treat it like tip or a dorm common room. Now I’m not the neatest of people at the best of times but I have a complete obsession (genetically programmed into me) to keep common areas neat, tidy, organized and CLEAN. So like someone with OCD, I pay daily attention to the mess people make and stew about it (or in today’s case, put up passive-aggressive signs)…we’re WORKmates, people, don’t make me go nagging ROOMmate on your collective asses!

My biggest issues:

- when people take the time to get the dishes, eat, then wash them…but instead of taking 2 seconds to dry them, get out a drying towel, set it up on the counter and lay out the dishes to air dry. So not only are they taking up the entire counter, they also never come back to put the dishes away.
- when people take out the dishes, eat, wash AND dry them but then put them back in a completely different spot. They had to GET them out in the first place so they clearly know where they’re supposed to go…so why not PUT THEM THERE?
- when people use the dishes and then leave them in or on the edge of the sink or randomly on the counter…sometimes for hours, sometimes for days (which is when I snap and wash them)
- when people dump their FOOD in the sink but don’t rinse it, so there’s food-stuffs caught in the filter and drain…rotting…
- when people use OTHER people’s dishes and then say “well it’s not mine, I don’t have to clean it”
- when people find dirty dishes (of questionable ownership) and just dump them in the sink…so essentially just moving the mess around since no one is going to admit whose they are…and refuse on principle to clean it. I don’t like doing other jackasses’ dishes either BUT no one is going to do them and then other dishes will pile up…so just DO them.
- when some types (they know who they are) use the dishes but then just leave them on the counter because they are too busy to wash them. Hey Einstein…if you’re that busy…get take out and leave the dishes alone. There is no one on our staff named Molly Maid…so suck it up and lower yourself to the task at hand for 1 minute before going off to plan the world.

Solution: Taking a certain manager’s advice, I’m going to start hiding every piece that is misused until the freakin’ miscreants learn how to function as considerate, smart adults.


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Pet Peeve of the Day – Jan. 8

9 01 2008

Today’s topic: FedEx…and big evil corporations in general.

I received a bill last month from FedEx for $10.83…not a ton of money, I know, but read on to understand why I’m peeved. I ordered something as a gift for someone and it got returned to the sender (twice)… but now I’m getting billed by the courier because I “gave them the wrong delivery address”.

One slight problem…if FedEx had the wrong address, how did they know where to send the bill?

They couldn’t find my apartment TWICE, but they managed to accurately address and mail at least 3 billing notices to me.

Solution: Returned bill to FedEx – with a giant BULLSHIT stamped on it. If they think I’m paying this, they’re crazier than Tom Cruise.


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Pet Peeve of the Day – Jan. 7

7 01 2008

Today’s topic: Superior asshats who don’t pay attention!

So – given the extremely warm (for January) temperatures we’re experiencing right now – I decided to take my ass for a walk around High Park. Sounds good, right? Well it was warm, the air was fresh and my new Shuffle kept me in tunes for the hour BUT the people were idiots.

I hate pedestrians. Whether in my car or walking alongside them. Would it kill them to pay attention to their surroundings? The entire grass area was one big puddle so you had to stick to the trail – so of course, people were walking slowly, in big groups, blocking the entire path and when you tried to get around them, they’d move to block you. So either everyone was being deliberately bitchy OR they just are unable to use their ears, eyes or more specifically, their peripheral vision. Why is it when people are walking toward you in groups (often with strollers) they give you the stink eye like you’re getting in their way? They give you a look that says “how dare you expect me to walk behind my friend/mother/husband for 5 seconds when you could step into the puddle and the mud on the grass to get around me and not cause me any inconvenience!” What? Their eyes were really expressive!

Solution: If they were walking toward me – I stopped and stared them down until they moved over. If I was behind them, I sighed really loudly, then said “excuse me!” in a gratingly cheerful voice and pushed past.

Delightful walk.


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Astrolo-me?

3 01 2008

Okay – so I’m a teeny bit obsessed with the daily horoscopes provided on my Google homepage…but only because Rick Levine, Astrologist to the Stars (or just people like me) is so goddamn accurate it’s getting scary. Today’s is almost word for word a conversation I had with 2 seperate people yesterday…

Don’t be fooled by your previous accomplishments. Naturally, your positive thinking is one of your greatest strengths, but now life may not be as easy as it once was. You’ll need to balance unreachable dreams with current circumstances. However, there’s no reason for discouragement if you realize that your hard work will be justly rewarded.

Get out of my head, Rick!


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Selfish Driving 101

9 10 2007

So I’m driving home from the ‘Shoe on Saturday – on my way to another Turkey extravaganza – when I spot a black GMC Jimmy apparently auditioning for a spot in “How Not to Drive” sprint past me on the 400 South. It was tailgating, weaving in and out of lanes (sans signal) and just being a general pain in the ass. I didn’t take that much special notice because…well…if you drive that route a lot you’ll know that you see one of those assholes every 5 minutes. Now I am by no means the world’s best driver…I have a tendency to live up to my “lead foot” nickname…but I always signal, never tailgate, and am always aware of what all cars are doing around me…so it drives me nuts when I see people driving like that because while they may get there 10 minutes earlier, they make the rest of us late because we have to keep slamming on our breaks to avoid a massive collision. So basically they rely on others to LET them be an asshole so no one will bite the big one. How selfish can you be?

Not 5 minutes later the traffic slowed to a crawl and then to a dead stop…I mean NO one was moving even an inch. I craned my neck around to see if any of the other lanes were inching forward but nada. Then I heard the sirens…and about 6 emergency vehicles sprinted by on the right shoulder. Then I saw people in front of me get out of their cars…at which point my head hit in the steering wheel in response to the inevitable frustration of being truly STUCK/STRANDED in traffic. I finally turned off my car (in the passing lane at this point) and ambled out to take a peak. The emergency crews had closed all lanes going south…just north of Highway 88 (and it’s beckoning exit)…and why? The SUV I’d seen had lost control and rolled over all lanes and had come to rest on the hill beside the right side of the highway….about 20 car lengths in front of me. In the time it took me to look, everyone and their mother had gotten out of their cars and many of the people (families coming back from cottages, mostly) had walked over to the hill and were sitting…just chillin’… since clearly we were gonna be awhile. I made friends with the family “parked” beside me and we chatted away, speculating on the accident (was it more than one car?), wondering how long we’d be stuck (that far lane looks open, why can’t they let us through?), talking about how we’d both stopped for gas and if we hadn’t, we would’ve just missed the accident. I tried to take a picture but my camera’s batteries died when I turned it on. About 10 minutes after traffic stopped, an air evac helicopter came down and landed right in the middle of the 400…by this time, they closed the northbound lanes too. Kids were running over to the other side of the Northbound highway as their parents yelled out “Enjoy it – this is the only time in your life you’ll get to run on the 400!” which – false! You could do that any day of the week, just be prepared to meet with a messy end. We’d occasionally turn on the traffic report to hear things like “Cottage Country traffic is a MESS! No one is getting through and it’s back up all the way past Barrie…over 12 kms of cars just sitting.” They started diverting traffic onto Highway 89 but for those of use between the two, we were just stuck. The helicopter eventually took off and the northbound lanes were re-opened. Still we waited…

It looked like the scene out of one of those disaster movies…like Deep Impact or something…where a city is being evacuated but because of the volume, no one is going anywhere and everyone gets out of their car as they wait for the tidal wave to hit. Not cheery, but I’m just sayin’…

60 minutes later, they started letting one lane through (mine!) but now all lanes were funnelling to that one so it took another 10 minutes to get past the accident.

And the moral of this story? Stop being so freakin’ selfish, people, and learn how to drive! What makes people think they are so goddamn special that they need to drive like that and in turn, hold thousands of people up when they screw up and all because they wanted to get their sooner but not safely. GAH!

Happy Freakin’ Thanksgiving…


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